There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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