I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize