What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
