Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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