Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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