In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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