we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
