My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
