I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
