I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
