Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
