he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
