Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
