I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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