so that wasnt chicken after all
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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