I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
