fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
