i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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