cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
