yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
