This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
