Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize