Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
