you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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