my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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