Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
