3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
