The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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