i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
