You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
