Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My penis needs a shock collar
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize