it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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