Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
