The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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