I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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