I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
