My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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