We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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