dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
