Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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