Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
