It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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