im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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