My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
