Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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