we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
