My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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