Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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