so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
