I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
