her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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