my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
