I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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