No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am mentally ready for anal.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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