Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
