I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
