You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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