Porn is love you can see.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
