well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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