Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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