the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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