peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
