It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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