It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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