dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
