nut hugger
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
