I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
