i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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