Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
