there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
