textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
