The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
