Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize