You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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