remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
