She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
