dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
