i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Every concussion has its silver lining
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
