Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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