did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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