I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
