your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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