it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
