When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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