I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
