I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize