Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize