I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize