her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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